Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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