Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
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You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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