DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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