I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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