If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A bitchslap is in order.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize