So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
