I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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