Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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