why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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