I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
