how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
