Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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