i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
