I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
