I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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