i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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