It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
