I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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