Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
