just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
