I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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