If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
