i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
