Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
