I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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