I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
