i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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