I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
