if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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