I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
