she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
