pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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