nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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