I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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