Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
