He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
