Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
