To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
