She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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