I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
