Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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