I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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