in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
