we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
