She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
