they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
3 2 1 whiskey
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
