May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize