dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
