Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
