i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
