dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no, he came in my armpit
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
