Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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