A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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