you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
