No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
