im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
