he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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