No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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